Sincere Smiles
by AlisraSkywall
Summary: Violet was all too used to men and women flashing seemingly sincere smiles and worrying glances at her, fretting over her, and tossing her away and leaving her out to rot like yesterday's garbage. So dammit, she wasn't going to fall for it this time!
1. chapter 1

I have decided to annoy you all once again.

Sorry I'm not sorry lolol

There was a brief silence. Claudia regarded Violet with wise eyes. His crimson hair fought to escape from underneath his beige bowler hat. The mahogany ribbon tied around said hat had come a little undone, and now draped itself in all its limp glory over his face. His suit and tie were rumpled after a long day of hard work, and his desk was littered with gray quills, red wax seals, aged, yellow-brown parchemt and black ink staining a pile of pristine paperwork.Yet underneath that mess, Violet still saw the Lieutenant-Colonel who had messed with her Major Gilbert so many years ago.

Major Gilbert. Oh.

Just the mere thought of his name sent Violet into tears. Was he dead? Was he alive? God, Violet wished she had some way to calm the raging storms inside of her, some way to answer the millions of hangig questions, some way to tie the uncountable loose ends. But there wasn't.

He had to be alive, right? If he wasn't alive, Violet didn't know where she'd go and who she would turn to.

The other Dolls were nice, but too nosey. Luculia had enough problems.

Which was why she was currently standing in front of the President's desk, demanding answers and crying for some reason.

Why was fate so cruel to her? She tried to repent. She tried to conceal the fact that de within her, she was helpless and lost under an emotionless facade. But in reality, she was just another broken girl. She wasn't different. She wasn't special.

She wasn't worthy of being in the company of such wonderful people-

"Violet, you do realize I know you well enough to see through your tough outer walls to the moments when you need someone?"

Her head snapped up. The President was kind to her. He was like a father figure to her. Why was she doing this to him? Making him live in the presence of a monster such as herself.

No. Wrong question asked.

The right question was _why was he letting her do this?!_

"I do not understand, sir."

His eyebrows lifted in confusion. "Pardon?"

"Why do you allow yourself to constantly be tortured in my presence? Why are you letting me, a murderous, bloodthirsty monster into your life?"

His eyes widened. There was a pregnant pause.

"Because, Violet, of two reasons. One, the fact that I have grown quite attached to you. Two, because I think Gilbert would have liked his little flower to grow into someone worthy of her name. And I want to help you do that."

His smile seemed so sincere, so welome, so loving.

But Violet knew better.

She was used to it. Men and sometimes even women who smiled sweetly and flashed their teeth at het in order to gain her favor. They'd use her and toss her away.

She wasn't going to fall for it again. Not this time, no!

"NO!"

She backed out of the office, shaking her head.

"NO!"

She turned and fled. Down the stairs. She was a blue blur flying past a startled Cattleya, Iris, amd Erica, coming back from their lunch breaks.

"Violet! Whatever is the matter?"

She ignored Cattleya's call of worry. She wouldn't fall for that either.

Her feet pounded on the gravel road as she ran and ran and ran.

Away from the people that had taken her in.

Away from happiness.

She curled up in a ball at the edge of tbe forest, sobbing.

Because Captain Dietfried was right.

She was a _monster._


	2. Chapter 2

Welp! I'm posting another chapter and it's been literally one day. I feel very disappointed in myself.

Meh. There have been requests on PM to update my other, albeit slightly more popular VE story (that's probably just because it had an interesting title) But you get inspiration when you get it and I'm not gonna complain about a free pass outta Writersblockland. That place was hORRibLe.

Anyway, I'll probably update the other one right after I post this, so if you're pumped for other chapters on Major, You're Alive!, you're not to be disappointed and who in the 88 Starry Heavens would be reading this and I watch too much Fairy Tail. Dammit!

"Violet? What happened yesterday? You seemed a little upset."

Cattleya rapped on the door again. "Violet? Come out please, Violet-honey. We

all care about you."

There was a moment of silence. Then a voice spoke from inside the room.

"If you and the others care about me, you'll leave me alone!"

Cattleya was taken aback. Harsh words were quite out of character for someone as caring and wise as Violet Evergarden. What had happened? Regardless, Cattleya decided to play along.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone. There have been many requests for you. When you want to come out, whether to work or to play, we're ready for you."

She walked on the spot to make it sound like she was leaving, and peered insi the eyehole.

A piece of black fabric met her view and she looked away, sighing. There was nothing she could do. Violet was a stubborn girl; she would come out when she was ready, and not before or after.

Cattleya left her to do what she pleased and walked, heels clicking, back to the President's room. Iris, Erica and Benedict stood around his desk with worried faces.

"No luck?"

She shook her head. "She's blocked the eyehole with something and she refuses to come out. She says that if we care about her we'll leave her alone."

The President raised an eyebrow. "That's not like Violet at all."

She sighed. "I know, right? But what can we do about it but give her space?"

Benedict looked angry. "I wish there was something we could do to help her. Something that could coax her out of her shell."

"I've brought her sandwiches and soup but she hasn't touched any of it!" Erica added nervously.

Thud! Iris slammed a fist onto the desk and looked up, eyes furious. "There has to be something!"

Cattleya knew Iris and Violet were close. She had been the one to help Iris reconcile with her parents. The fact that they both had flower names had turned Iris into quite the Violet fan, shopping with her, eating with her, and doing each other's hair. (when Violet did Iris's, her mechanical fingers kept getting stuck in her short gray locks.)

The President got up. His wary eyes swept across each and every person in the room.

"I know someone who could help her. But his being here has to be kept secret."

Benedict raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Why is he so secret?"

The President straightened.

"He's supposed to be dead."


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, I am the nicest author ever. Officially. All you people who like frequent updates, bow down to me and worship me forever! In the form of read and review. Heh heh. Thanks to my kind first reviewers! I mix up who reviewed what story, but you know who you are.

Violet lay on her bed, immersed in her own thoughts. The window was open, a light Leiden breeze swishing into the room. Her typewriter sat on the lonely wooden desk, her dog plush sitting next to it. A pile of papers were scattered across the hard, grainy surface of the desk, each with only a few words.

Dear Majo

To the Maj

Dear Gilber

To my dear

Dearest Majo

To Maj

To Gilber

Beside them lounged a single envelope, sealed with red wax in the CH Postal Company's symbol. Inside was a letter. A letter Violet had put together after hundreds of failed attempts.

To the Major Gilbert I so hold dear,

How are you? I hope you are well. I hope that you are still watching over me. I hope that you think that I am someone worthy of my name. I have become an Auto Memories Doll now. I scribe letters for others, letters that bring people together. But not with the hands that killed. With hands that embraced children and comforted adults my own age. And although my arms can never be soft and warm like others, I hope that in writing this letter, they may have quelled some of the stress you undoubtedly feel. I wish to end this message here, keeping it short and sweet. I want to tell you two last things.

One, I no longer need orders.

Two, I now know what I love you means.

Ever so sincerely, Violet Evergarden.

The red candle she had used to seal the envelope lay on its side, the stamp on the floor. In her teary muddled state, she had flung everything away from her and thrown herself onto her bed.

"Violet. Someone's here to see you. A Mr. Bougainvillea?" The girl from the front counter downstairs.

Violet sighed. She had fallen for that once, and not again would she fall for it.

"Tell Captain Dietfried Bougainvillea of the Leidenshaftlich Navy that Auto Memories Doll Violet Evergarden of Leiden CH Postal Company is sick and cannot see him. She sends her deepest apologies."

There was a brief silence. Then the voice of Cattleya spoke.

"But Violet, it's not Captain Dietfried Bougainvillea of the Leidenshaftlich Navy."

Her head perked up. Mr. and Mrs. Bougainvillea were dead. It wasn't the Captain.

Was it possible he was alive?

She jumped out of bed and slammed the door open. Red curls and Cattleya met her blue gaze as she stared at them.

"Does he have green eyes and short navy hair slicked back?!"

Cattleya smiled. "Yes."

She flew past them and down the stairs, frantically scanning the empty lobby.

There! By the door!

She felt her breath hitch.

For there in front of her was none other than her very own Army Major Gilbert Bougainvillea.


	4. An Update On My Life

Hello!

No, unfortunately I haven't died.

I understand I haven't touched any of my stories for a strange amount of time. It's not that I don't have any motivation, it's just that I'll be taking a potentially very long hiatus to write conpletely on Archive of Our Own.

I don't understand why, but I think it's because I find it a lot easier to write on that site. Ideas flow from my mind easier, and to be honest, I've been getting more positive support.

Because I don't choose to talk about my mental health a lot, people often don't know the whole story, and I figured it was about time I told some actual human beings.

I know some people receive help abd support because they pour out their feelings through their work, and while I do love angst, I don't write it full-time.

I prefer to bottle emotions, not let then out.

PMs and DMs are private, but people have said some hurtful things about my work, and I want to remind them that if you don't like it, it's your fault, not mine, and if you hate it so much don't read it!

There is something called Preferred Personal Writing Style, you know. My opinions and how I choose to write shouldn't affect you to the point of calling my work useless trash.

Even if I were as bad at writing as you say, which I could be and maybe I'm just not seeing it, I can still be a great person, even if I'm not the best in the world at writing.

I don't know how you tracked down my Ao3 account, perhaps I told you in a story and forgot, but please don't leave negative comments. It doesn't feel very good.

It feels even worse when you get a bookmark and are excited only to find out the Additional Notes section says ONLY BOOKMARKED BECAUSE I WANTED TO SHOW MY FRIENDS THAT STORIES THIS BAD DO EXIST AFTER ALL.

Things like this are what causes depression.

I have insomnia, and I used to be able to relax because I felt happy that people were giving me such awesome support. Now that's not really happening and even though it's gotten better, lack of sleep is still looming behind me.

And I want to say to user AnonymousForPrivateReasons, what you think about me doesn't matter.

You want me to be more open about my life? Fine. I'll be more open.

I'm a fifteen year old kid with depression, anxiety and PTSD, only recently recovering from insomnia. I live under a constant pressure from so-called "Parents" to be perfect and just stop my mental health problems. I have friends, but I can't trust them with any secrets because oh I so want to, but I don't know whether they'll turn on me and stab me in the back or not.

So, all you internet warriors, don't throw away your shot to actually be a good person. After all, you're just like your comments: young, scrappy abd hungry for drama.

Shoutout to whoever caught the reference.

If you want to check me out, NOT bring me down any further, my Ao3 account name is ninehundredthousandfinalwords and my Wattpad is superchrisevans.

My Instagram is 900000wordslefttosay. NOT ninehundredthousandfinalwords. Someone already took that name.

A pat on the back to anyone who goes through what I'm going through, and to those who hate me for being me, well, if you feel like joining the fight against depression anytime soon, I'm willing to wait for it. *wink*

Bye!

Love,

Lizzy


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